Uuuupdate

Life's been pretty great! I've got loads of pictures. Spent Lin's 19th at supperclub last night. Just gonna post pictures, will elaborate l8r with some more pictures! Gotta go get ready. Gonna try and do some good photography at chinatown =)
I'm too lazy to resize them individually, so i just took these from facebook!

I'm back home! Chinatown was fun. We decided to try out this steamboat place, was pretty reasonable per person though somehow, i couldn't quite bring myself to trust the food. Did a little hunting in helping my brother's girlfriend look for dance props. The evening skies were gloomy, grey clouds practically overshadowing the entire place. It kept raining i wished my camera was waterproof! I had to take snapshots from the shelters which wasn't fun at all. It was so hard to do so cause people kept streaming by, nudging their way through making me lose focus of my shots! =( I shot once or twice and gave up. I'm such an amateur i really have to read my handbook. anyway, yesterday was fun! Right after work i flew home to get ready while my mom waited for me patiently in the car. Took a train down to town to meet Sean and Han, took another train to supperclub. I'm such a whiner but i seriously hate public transport. I need to learn how to drive pronto! I'll pay for petrol. December, come quicker! Stayed till 3 then left. It was so crowded we could hardly move without mashing ourselves against wet bodies and inhaling rancid odor haha. Cake was good, Lin looked gorgeous. Was so glad she got to recuperate a little before reviving to party! Got home feeling so exhausted i drifted off to sleep as soon as i laid my head down. Uni applications have been coming along superb! I got accepted into 3 out of 4 universities so far, 1 even with advance standing! Only 2 years of uni is seriously HEAVEN. I'll be visiting those 4 when i fly up with my mom next month. I have to really thank my parents for being so supportive of my education. They left everything up to me, allowing me to serve my priorities, understanding my wants and especially giving me the thumbs up in everything i did. Thanks mommy and daddy. I truly appreciate it <3

Although this year has been a rough year for me, i'm glad the tables turned and made it a memorable one. I have to say i'm proud of myself, accomplishing what i've accomplised has never felt so real to me. I can actually see it this time. I never thought i'd make it this far, i thought i was doomed once i knew i was in NT. Thank you to whoever made this happen.

Relationship wise, i'm losing it by the minute. I think i'm crazy. Saying things that Sean claims he's never said makes me feel indiscreet. Sometimes i question my sanity. Week after week i'm slipping inches away. I don't know what to do, my mental and emotional being's frozen, i can't think. When i sugeest we go our seperate ways, something holds me back telling me i should stay. But when i do, everything crumbles slowly and in no matter of time, we're back at the crossroads refacing the inevitable. Sigh i'm so cornered, so stuck i wish there was someone who could make decisions like that for me. I love you, i do but i can't have this feeling of uncertainy, heartache everyday, all day. I'm pretty sure i'm not a horrible girlfriend. I work my schedule around for him, I cancel my plans to meet him. When i'm out getting something to eat, i'll wonder if he's hungry. I surprise him by turning up at his house on mornings to make things right. What am i doing wrong? I feel like i'm giving myself the attention that he's suppose to give me. Thats idiotic jeez. At times, i wanna bawl my eyes out but what's there for me after all that mourning? I lay awake feeling like my heart's been clawed then ripped into shreds. That's why i hardly ever cry anymore, i tell myself life's a matter of letting go, holding the hurt in just makes you a hateful person and i have no intention of modelling into one. I try to be strong, i try to be my best. My wall is dissolving into a panel of numbness. I feel so sadistic now haha.
No more pessimism! I'm feeling much better about the whole thing now. I swear i cause such distress to people who read my blog.
I was suppose to publish this post last night but since the photos are taking forever and i'm lazy, i finally uploaded them onto fb.
Very very long entry huh.
How unusual Denise!
photoblogggg.

SEAN IF YOU LOVE ME TEACH ME HOW TO DRIVE. I H888 PUBLIC TRANSPORT.




Awww my new boyfriend!





oh so adorable fishcake!



I look so horrible!





Sophia's so gorgeous isn't she!







I think i'm such a disgrace to photographers.
Okay GTG people!
Bye!
=)

Scrabble this

Had a little fun with my oly baby and scrabble tiles today. I haven't eaten anything all day. I'm too lazy to cook, maybe i should just order in. But i've been doing that all the time! Sigh fineeee. I'll cook noodles. My parents went away again and i'm home alone till Thursday.
I think i'm going through some personal crisis, i don't know what's wrong with me but i feel so down all the time. No it isn't my period and no it isn't depression. There are so many things i want to say. But you know, sometimes its better to just keep things to yourself so nobody gets hurt.

Haven't drank HL milk in a long time. Oh so refreshing.
I do have pictures, some other day.

Happy birthday SKMH

Happy birthday mad hack! i love you.
That's us when we were 15 and 16 i think haha.

Time really does pass by oh so fast cause you're 19, a year older, hopefully wiser. And also, its my 5th time spending it with you. Through everything, we've always stood by each other, you mostly wanting to make things right no matter how torn up they are. I'm glad i stayed, i'm glad we perservered through the roughest. I wouldn't change anything. You've been patient, the bestest in your own way. I love you for being who you be best, you :>
Have a fantabulous 19th Sean!
XX

I just retyped this post thrice.
I'm tired of living up to expectations that aren't even reasonable.
Screw all this mind fucking crap.

BUZZ

I AM SUCH A BZ BEE HAHAH.
I got accepted nito Curtin! Wee. The excitement took awhile to kick in but i feel it now. Will prolly fly up to see the school next month =) Can't w8!
Why do my arms look so chubby. I've tried everything and they still won't get smaller.

Hey everyone!
I've been home all day not feeling my best. My tummy's cramping up real bad i'm hoping it'll fade away by tomorrow. I'm meeting Curtin reps tomorrow, so eggcited! Just ordered macs cause i've been starving all day. I've finally adjusted my bodyclock to sleeping at 9 or 10 every night, i've never felt so recharged and fresh every single morning :) My dark rings are slowing disappearing, my bags reducing. Sleep really does nourish you with all the justice you need. Haven't touched my sketch pad for awhile now. Was bored this morning so i decided to do a little sketching to kill time. The outcome's not as good as i thought it would be. I think i'm lacking patience.

I'm so disappointed macs's medium orange juice is equivalent to a small soft drink!
WHAT.
I am so mad at my brother right now. I walked all the way to fernvale which is like a 20 mintue walk just to get there, to get him dinner. I texted him and told him i did cause he's been so relient on me all week. Oh then wowishly independency kicks him in the face and he comes home with food of his own.
I say: I texted you saying i bought you dinner at 6ish.
He: I was driving what.
I: That's WHY is texted!
He: You mean you don't know how to call after 8? You odn't know how to call and tell me you got me dinner?
I: How the hell am i suppose to know when you finish.
He: Then too bad la.

What a fucking asswipe.
I wish he was at his girlfriend's hostel.
She's the only one with kickass willpower to stand such a boob like him led alone brave storms he create.
I'm actually glad i only see him on weekends.
Am so glad my parents are coming back tomorrow! Miss them terribly.
There'll be people around who can be responsible.
Argh.
Oh i have 19 999 views haha. Just thought it was cute.
Still mad.

Flies by

Jia: Maybe.
Denise: Maybe not.
Jia: Maybe, maybe not.
Denise: Maybe, maybe not.

My days have been busy with lots to think about. I cut myself opening a pack of dog food, my finger's still throbbing, the tip of my finger a little numb. Its evening time, thought i'd upload an update since i had some spare time. I absolutely adore the snake belt and gold leaf, both my mom's belongings. She got me a bag that's velvet purple its too gorgeous to touch.
Shall go into an air con room and watch me some mighty b.
Toodles.

Saturday i eat glazed doughnuts

I remember the sun was scorching hot i wish it'd just degrade me to ashes already! Lim amd I spent the afternoon today. We had lunch at crystal jade, did a whole lot of talking and walking. We were talking about everything under the sun, from she liking the shudder-shivery feeling you get when you cry too much, how her tutor is being a total a hole not wanting to refund her 800 bucks to oozing a really loud comment about this really cute pair of twins before blushing endlessly. She's so adorable. Got a chance to meet Sophia again and i swear i felt like a greasy bloated doughnut standing next to her. She's soooooo skinny soooo hot. Town was okay, Jia had to leave early so i took a train back and my dad picked me up, drove to pasir ris to meet my brother and his friends who were there since the break of dawn fishing. Susan caught little fishes for me with a line and hook attached to a twig. Stayed till evening, had dinner, then home! Couldn't resist but get a dozen of doughnuts =)
Totally k.oed once i got back home till now!
Meso happy, me eyebags aren't as bad anymore cause i've been good and sleeping early!

I just sent Sean some bo chap text. I am fury mad because i feel like i have to press him for replies and such. He already doesn't call me which to most of you is surprising alarming but things have been like that for the longest time so whatever kkkkk. I just hate having to be the one who keeps chasing after him, its not only annoying, it feels one sided. Maybe i should just call it quits. I don't know how long more am i gonna take this. He always says he doesn't know what to say. I've been accepting that excuse since aeons ago. I'm tired, 4 years feels like stinky drainage. We're prolly the worst couple on earth. Apart from being physically around him, when we're not together, being invisible comes a position or two before i do. Sidewaying away from that, i realise that you people are generally shallow. You don't even reply my attempts to make things right which is totally ok. That just goes to show that you'd believe a measly girl who can't even solve her own problems, attempts to make me sound crazy rather than someone who always chooses to tell the truth and even bother to make things right. If you were man enough, you would've already replied shunting me off. If you're afraid of hurting my feelings, fret not, you won't. In life you win some, lose some. Well, i'm pretty certain i'm winning this one.

Need to catch some shuteye, its uber l8 alr!
thanks for reading my blog everyone! =)
xx
Night!